Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Am i gay or bi or straight?

Yah, so I've been trying to figure this out for a little while, and I have OCD so sometimes I over obsess and freak out more than necessary. I am a 16 year old girl and am a bit confused. I had boy crushes growing up and being with a cute guy is always what I have dreamed of. It has always seemed really romantic to me. I remember feeling erflies when my boy crush cheered for me at my basketball game and wanting him to ask me to dance at our middle school dances. I remember hugging one of my sisters older guy friends and thinking about it for like the next 2 days. Now I go to an all girls high school so boys are limited. The thing is I also think girls are gorgeous and sometimes I question if I have crushes on girls because I think they're so cool and nice and stuff. I think its probably just a platonic "girl crush" and wanting to be their friend. I used to worry when I was younger though that because I found them pretty that I was gay (thanks to something I saw on Oprah when I was like 11) so that started the confusion, and then I learned that that was normal, so I would start wondering "but do i like them this way? or that way?" and constantly yze and stuff. Sometimes I question, would I want to be with a girl romantically? and while the thought doesn't disgust me or anything (it used to but not really anymore), usually I think I'd rather just be friends with them because I'm more comfortable with that. The thing is I'm not really boy crazy or anything. Like I think guys are cute, and sometimes I find one guy who I think is really really cute, but more often I find girls pretty than guys cute. Sometimes if a girl is dancing y or something, I feel like I might be getting a little turned on, but I don't actually think I want to do anything with them. Like, I can tell they're hot and stuff but I don't think I actually want to make out with them or anything... haha. I've accepted that I'm probably a little bit , and I'm okay with that as long as I can still date guys and like them. What I know I want deep down is to just find a man that i love and be with him forever, but sometimes my anxiety from my ocd makes me think that I'm completely gay and will never be able to be with a man. Like, I'm totally okay with being a little bit bi as long as I can just have relationships with men, because that's what I've always wanted. One of those cute relationships like in 27 dresses or the Princess Diaries. I know, no one can tell me my uality, but any knowledge would help :)

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